


SpaceBuzz Presents: James Kirk And S’Chn T’Gai Spock Read Thirst Tweets

by fiveainley_ohmy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Buzzfeed, Crack, M/M, Spock is confused, Thirst Tweets, jim is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-31 22:51:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18323576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: It’s exactly what it says on the label.





	SpaceBuzz Presents: James Kirk And S’Chn T’Gai Spock Read Thirst Tweets

Two men, almost entirely diametrically opposed in physical appearance but both objectively good-looking, sit side by side at a table with small tin buckets before each of them.

The shorter man with the blonde hair waves to the camera. “Hi, I’m James T. Kirk...” He looks expectantly at his tall brunette friend with the elegantly pointed ears.

He nods. “And I am Spock. And today we will be reading...thirsty tweets.”

Jim laughs kindly. “ _Thirst_ tweets, Spock. You want to go first?”

“If I must,” Spock sighs. He pulls a slip of paper from his bucket and reads from it. “‘@CmdrSpock: Vulcan? More like VulCAN’T. As in I VulCAN’T handle all that hotness.’” Spock looks at the camera. “It is worth noting that while Vulcans, like humans, are exothermic creatures, we exhibit a cold-blooded nature, much like Earth replies, amphibians, and fish.”

“They mean that you’re physically attractive, Spock,” Jim laughs again.

“I am vaguely aware of the human vernacular. I believe it is your turn, Jim.”

Jim draws out his own paper from his bucket and reads: “‘Dear @AlasPoorJimothy, please sit on my face ASAP. Thnx.’” He smiles at the camera. “Well dear, I certainly wouldn’t want to hide your beautiful face from the rest of the world. Especially by using it as a chair. I have a perfectly good seat back on the _Enterprise_. But I appreciate the offer.”

Spock clears his throat. “‘You. Colon. O-M-G Captain Kirk is so hot. Me, an intellectual. Colon. I would let Commander Spock murder me’...I do not understand how my committing murder relates to the Captain’s physical attractiveness, but I would be remiss if I did not mention that murder is illegal in the Federation, and firmly opposed in Vulcan ideology.”

“Hey, why can’t they find us BOTH hot?” Jim says, pretending to be offended.

“Captain, I’m sure the author of this ‘tweet’ just has more...discerning taste than most.” Spock remains stoic, but the corner of his lips were threatening to curl into a smirk.

“Yeah. Uh huh. Okay. I know a diss when I hear one, Mister.” Jim pulls out another tweet. “‘@AlasPoorJimothy has the bronzed skin of a Greek God. I bet it’s soft as a baby’s butt.’” Jim hums thoughtfully. He then rubs his cheek. “Hmm...it is pretty soft. Although I don’t know about baby’s _bottom_ soft. Here, Spock, you feel and see.” He leans jokingly toward his friend.

“I believe I will decline, sir.” Spock turns to his next tweet. “‘Ever fantasize about nibbling Spock from the _Enterprise’s_ ears? I do. (don’t @ me)’” Spock’s sharp eyebrows furl in puzzlement. “Don’t _at_ me? What does that mean?”

“When you ‘at’ someone, it’s like publicly shaming someone,” Jim explains.

“Ah. So I frequently ‘at’ Dr. McCoy for being illogical.”

Jim cracks up into hysterical laughter. “Yeah, pretty much.” He pulls out the next tweet, briefly reads it, then blushes in surprise. “‘My husband: What do you want for Valentine’s Day? Me: *fantasizes about being the meat in a James Kirk and Spock sandwich* Flowers would be nice.’ Uh...heh.” Jim looks sideways at his friend. “Well, allowing that I slept with married people...which I don’t...the beds on the _Enterprise_ can be kind of small, probably too small for what you’re suggesting. But here’s hoping your husband bought you those flowers.”

“What do they mean by ‘Jim and Spock sandwich’?” Spock inquires.

“Nothing, never mind. Read yours, Spock.”

Spock looks down at his next tweet. “‘Kirk. Colon. The stars are beautiful tonight. Me. Colon. Yeah. Kirk. Colon. You know what else is beautiful? Me comma blushing. Colon. Who? Kirk. Colon. Spock.”

“Aww, well...” Jim’s blush is even more pronounced now. “That’s sort of cute.”

Spock looks at Jim in confusion. “I thought these quotes were made by people announcing their attraction for us.”

“Me too,” Jim says. “Here, let’s do another. ‘Torn between wanting Captain James T. Kirk to make out with me or wanting to watch as he makes out with Sp-’ Okay, no!”

“‘Roses are red. Fish makes me sick. Spock wants to suck his captain’s-’”

“ _Noooooo!_ ” Jim bellows, snatching the paper from Spock’s hand and crumpling it in his hand. “‘K is for kind. I is for intelligent.’ Oh, this one is nice! ‘R is for rugged good looks. K is for kind of in love with his first off-’ oh, come on!”

“It would seem that many people suspect us of being involved, both romantically and sexually,” Spock states.

“Yeah, looks that way,” says Jim, rubbing the back of his neck. “I suppose it’s because...” He slowly smiles, eyes flicking to Spock. “...we’re not as discreet as we think we are.”

“A logical assumption, Captain.” Spock’s eyes soften to something dangerously close to a smile.

“Well...maybe we should do something to... _quench their thirst_ ,” Jim slyly says. He leans suggestively toward Spock. Spock leans in as well, closing the gap-

* * *

Bones paused the video, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Computer, block this SpaceBuzz video from my console,” he ordered. The video disappeared. Thank goodness. Bones certainly didn’t need to see anymore.


End file.
